Waiting...

I've got a friend who lost 125 pounds over the last year.  50 of those pounds were lost on the Optifast Program.  He and I spoke recently, and this inspired me to attend the Orientation at Miriam Hospital on March 19.

I am so eager to begin - I have always had a weight problem, as long as I can remember.  I have had varying degrees of success, but basically I'm a career dieter.  In my thirties, I started to gain serious weight, where once I was a mere 20 pounds overweight, now I was inching up on 50...75... to my present, impossible to believe weight, which I will not reveal today.  I will reveal it once I have lost about half of the weight I want to lose, which is a lot of weight.

I feel that I have to say that I am not indigent, I am not uneducated or homebound, nothing that one might prejudicially associate with a severely overweight person.  I am engaged to a wonderful man,  and I am a fashion designer and educator.  I am, however, also a food addict.  My addiction has gotten so out of control, that I find myself debilitated by it.

I am lucky that I have not developed diabetes or high blood pressure, but I do have sleep apnea, asthma, and painful joints and back - all recent developments and certainly the result of carrying around so much weight.

I am frightened of starting the program, but also cannot wait... I'm just waiting on insurance approval and I will hopefully begin within ten days.  I confess that during this time I have indulged, perhaps unwisely, in all the foods I will miss - chips, breads, fast food, and less unhealthy fare such as mussels and popcorn.  I am saying goodbye to food - no, actually I'm saying 'see you later'.  Because the food will still be there when I'm done, and hopefully by then I will be able to handle it.

Like many people who have had this issue their whole lives, I am an unofficial expert on food... I know how to eat healthfully, however I muddy the waters by eating as a result of any emotional issue with which I am faced.

I fear that once I stop eating and go on the Optifast program, and I will be unable to tranquilize myself with food, that many issues may come to the forefront and I will have to deal with life as I never have before.  I do not know what this will entail, but knowing me I'm certain that there will be a lot of crying involved.

I may be quite bitchy without food, too.  Or, I do think there is a possibility that I will feel freed.

I'm looking forward to it with equal parts anxiety and happy excitement... if you want to join me by reading this blog, I promise to be honest with you.  And with myself.

Cheers.