Nostalgia is a bitch

I keep thinking how a few weeks ago I would sit down with a bowl of chips and watch Celebrity Apprentice.  I would be happy as a pig in youknowwhat.  But then be sick to my stomach afterward.  I miss it, tho, if I am to be completely honest.

Everyone keeps asking me, as my fab cousin Tom did today, 'How are you doing it??'  I put two question marks there on purpose - because the question is asked with marked incredulity.  How am I not eating?

The answer is I'm not really sure, and that gives me anxiety.  I think I'm not eating because most of the time I feel full, with the exception of right now when my hunger is clawing at the inside of my stomach.  That is what hunger feels like to me.  I"m drinking water to help but I really need to get more sugar free gum or some handcuffs or sumthin.

I tell everyone who asks that everyone on Optifast says that the hunger mostly goes away after a week or so.  It has been three weeks for me and it has not really gone away.  I think that most of the time I just miss the food, but I am hungry, too.  I wonder if everyone else is just a well-meaning liar (Like when they say natural childbirth doesn't hurt) or what.

I think that once you invest time into the program, and start to see results, like I have, it just starts to perpetuate itself.  I want that weight loss tomorrow like I want life itself.  Today I felt great, walking around doing errands, and I want more of that.  More more more.

That's the best answer I can come up with, for now.

I know I can't go back to eating the way I did, and I'm kinda mourning that I guess.  Seems reasonable to me.  I can accept this.  Weigh-in tomorrow!