...And it begins!!

After going to the Psych eval yesterday, the nice Psychologist told me I could start any time I wanted.  'NOW!', I practically screamed.  At least in my head.  I was told I could go to the 4PM meeting, so I signed up.

Spent the rest of the day eating a bagel, and not feeling too anxious at all.  When I went back, I was weighed (And comforted by the fact that I will never see that number again) and met with a different doctor than before.  She told me my blood work was not great - I am pre diabetic and I am anemic, which I knew but hoped it had gotten better, which it has not.  She said I could potentially be on the full fast (All drinks) for 28 weeks.  Wow, did not know that was an option - there is some conflicting info going around in that organization, which is not really a criticism, it's typical of all organizations of that type - big and spread out.

I was told to go buy the product at the front of the office, and since I don't know what flavor or type (Powder or ready made) I would like, I actually took out a pencil and broke it down evenly between all types of flavors and consistencies - 42 shakes per week.  I have been assigned Six shakes per day.  Six a day means you are really fat.

I went to the meeting right after I bought the shakes, which came to about $106. for a week's supply.

Okay now the meeting - better than I had anticipated, definitely.  I was only one of four people there.  And they told me that the leader is 'a snooze', which I can tell you will not be tolerated - if that proves to be true, I will definitely leave or try to improve it on my own.  To me, the leader is the key.  The one time I did very well in Weight Watchers, was the one time that the leader was an amazing lady who was funny, smart, and very honest.  Wish I could employ her in my home full time.  But the usual leader did not show up so we had the nutritionist instead, who was very interesting and basically told us to cut the shit and stop drinking crap and stop thinking about food so damn much.  No, she was nicer than that but that is the message I took away from her.

The three people in the meeting were helpful.  I found myself suddenly sitting there with an unexpected emotion - unmitigated FEAR - I was suddenly just extremely scared, wondering what I had signed myself up for.   But the meeting members were very calm and reassuring.  They told me that I must take the fiber, because by about a month into the program, I will never poop again, basically.  Pooping, it seems, will become as vague a memory as the taste of Utz potato chips.  I promised to get the Metamucil.  Also, they said that this is the, um, 'fun' part.  My mouth dropped open - how can this be fun?  One woman said it was because of the fact that every week I would be losing weight, and that would motivate me and after a week on the program, I will never feel hungry.  I'm not sure that is the whole truth, but it did calm me down, because looking forward to getting thinner every week is really one of the great joys in life.  I remember that feeling and it surpassed everything as the best feeling and the greatest mood lifter, in the world.  I guess people without a weight problem would not understand that, but if you have never had a weight problem, I doubt you are reading this blog.

I confess that just before the meeting began, I texted my mother, my fiancé, my sister, and a friend, as follows:  'TELL ME I CAN DO THIS!  I am scared.'  They all sent back very supportive and kind texts.  I will keep them and refer to them as needed.  I think I'm going to have to really ask for support and help when I need it, and not be too proud.

I went home to find my mom and my fiancé there, both eager to hear about my experience and to lend support, which I found very heart warming and made me love them both ten times more.  Then we went out for my very own 'Last Supper', starring myself in the role of  'Jesus'.  I got to get an inkling of what it feels like to be a prisoner on death row - what would I choose for a last meal??  I went with Mexican, and margaritas - since I can't drink for the duration.  After eating a lot, and a little drunk, I went home to drink some water and take an advil before bed.

Woke up this morning feeling motivated.  Missed my 7AM shake time (We are given a schedule with times indicating when to drink a shake) because my kids are on spring break and we are sleeping a little later this week.  I decided to take one of the meeting member's advice and mix a vanilla powder shake with coffee.  Nasty.  Just like dirty dish water.  I clearly have a lot to learn.  I feel okay, tho.  And that's the most I can hope for right now.  Catch ya later.